Category Archives for "Selfishness"
So I’m officially scared shitless. (Is that a real word?)
Today is the day I leave for the 10-day retreat I told you about here. It’s crazy because I tend to be a pretty fearless mofo.
But facing yourself is scary as hell. I know three people that have been to this retreat. Every single one of them came back a different person.
So this is my farewell to you.
So, it’s been nice knowing you. My old self is outta here.
There’s a chance the new me might never come back to this.
If so, then this is goodbye.
If not, then I’ll let you know how it all went.
Talk soon (or maybe not),
Matt “Leavin’ On A Jet Plane” Trainer
P.S. We’ve had some tech glitches with the postcard training calls.
But they’ve all been fixed and it’s kicking ass again.
This was a rough week for me personally.
I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. I really hate that term but I don’t know what else to call it.
I think my next email might have the subject line:
“Why my midlife crisis is bullshit”
Anyway, it’s been an emotional roller coaster for me the last few weeks. This week I hit bottom. I ended up on my couch in the fetal position crying like a little girl.
It all started a few weeks ago.
I signed up to attend a 10-day “get your shit straight” retreat. At the retreat there’s no contact with the outside world. No phone, no internet, no email, no TV, no radio, no contact at all with anyone you know. It’s just 10 straight days of dealing with all your “shit” and getting it straight.
It’s not a silent retreat. The retreat focuses on everything negative that happened to you from birth to about 13 years old. During those formative years we are by nature very self-centered. So anything negative can affect your behavior for the rest of your life.
Usually we end up doing one of two things:
The problem is that those behaviors get deeply programmed and we run on autopilot repeating them over and over.
In my prep for this retreat they had me to do an 8-hour-long assessment of any potential negative behaviors I have “inherited” from my parents. That exercise really created some emotional issues for me.
I started remembering so many crazy things from my childhood that I’d completely forgotten about or “repressed”.
It’s gotta be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
All seemed to be fine until the next day.
I was having a typical Internet business day when I got an email. It was from someone trying to get in on the postcard traffic call with Luke and me.
They couldn’t connect.
This has been an ongoing issue so I got pretty upset about it.
Ok let me rephrase that:
I completely LOST IT.
I mean I COMPLETELY fell apart.
I ended up in balled up a fetal position crying my guts out for several hours.
WTF? Yeah I know.
What I realize now is that exercise I did a few days ago released some pent up emotions and memories that were DECADES old. It was like a volcano blowing its top. I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. It was an unreal sight and pretty embarrassing but real nonetheless.
The good news is that my volcano has vented and now I feel some weight lifted. I’m still walking around in a bit of a funk but much better than I was.
I’ve struggled to sit down and write an email for many days now.
All I could do was stare at the screen. So weird.
Now you know why you haven’t heard from me.
Anyway, on Thursday I leave for this retreat. I’m not sure what’s gonna happen but from what I’ve heard about it, I’ll come back a different person…sorta.
I’m scared and excited at the same time.
Not sure where I’m going for this email so I’ll stop there.
I’ll be in touch this week before I head out for 10 days.
Matt “Little Girl” Trainer
P.S. Feels weird to do a promo of any sort in this email. But MANY people had an issue with connecting to the postcard traffic call so I’ll just put the replay link here.
Or here’s the bare link:
[Image source: Tumbler]
As I got out of the taxi my heart sank. Then it started pounding. I’d never been so nervous in ALL my life.
“Am I completely crazy?” the voice in my head kept saying. As I watched the taxi drive away I was frozen in fear.
Then I saw my beautiful wife walking towards me. She was laughing like I’d never seen her laugh before.
She exclaimed,”You look awesome! Let’s get inside and have some fun.”
I couldn’t see anything through the dark helmet and the fogged over lenses. Man how did Darth Vader ever breath in this thing? It’s like a sauna. A solar heated one at that.
The shocked faces of the people in line made my heart pound even more.
“What the f*#k am I doing?” I keep saying to myself over and over.
I heard chuckles from the people in line. I heard one guy condescendingly say, “Man I don’t know about all THAT.”
He was basically calling me a freak in a passive aggressive way.
I begged my wife to leave. I can’t do this. It’s just too crazy.
—-Rewind to the previous night——
At dinner we were all excited about the Star Wars themed party coming the next day.
It was May 4th, the national Star Wars “geek out” day. And I was all in. 100% committed to geeking out.
I had what I thought would be the ultimate crazy costume.
I was right. (About the crazy part anyway)
——Back to the party——
I choked as I looked in the mirror. There I was, staring at Darth Vader.
I had become that character with the full replica helmet.
And a fat suit.
But not just any fat suit.
I was Darth Vader as a fat stripper.
What is wrong with me?
For weeks now I’ve been extolling the virtues of being yourself and being selfish. To take care of yourself first.
For weeks now I’ve been walking the talk. And it’s paid off in spades. Here’s the problem. Sometimes that shit is SCARY AS F*&K! It’s not always easy to really let yourself out. To let your freak flag fly.
But after the rollercoaster ride of emotions I went through on Star Wars Geek Out Day, I’m more convinced than ever it’s the only way to live.
Was I scared? Hell yeah.
Did I have a blast? Hell yeah times 1000.
Without emotions we are effectively dead.
I’ve been semi-dead for a long time. But no longer.
My cure was a Darth Vader helmet and a fat stripper costume.
Matt “Sweating My Ass Off In That Helmet” Trainer
P.S. My wake up call came from two sources. One was my good friend Micheal Bernoff and the other was my own brain.
The second part was my realization that SOLID email marketing is the key to ALL success online. You can learn about that here.
I know it’s scary. Believe me, I’ve pushed my own limits and it scared the shit out of me. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for the world now. I’m being myself and I love it.
If you don’t have that freedom then you are missing out on the wonders of all this life has to offer.
As Andy Dufresne in the movie Shawshank Redemption said:
“Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.”
And please send me pics of your craziness. It would be nice to not be alone in this. 🙂
This is one of the hardest emails I’ve ever written. It’s going to offend and shock many of you. But whatever. It is what it is. I’ve spent WAY too much of my life trying to please other people.
I’m done with that. Time to take care of me.
It took 42 years but I finally woke up.
So love it or hate it, this is raw and real.
Don’t like it? There’s an unsubscribe link at the bottom. Kick rocks.
—– Deeeeeeep breath. In. Out. In. Out. ——
OK here goes.
Today I unfriended my own mother on Facebook. It’s been a long time coming.
I’ve secretly wanted to do it FOR YEARS. I just didn’t have the balls. I knew I would feel majorly guilty. That’s pretty much how I’ve lived my whole life, in guilt.
Way not healthy.
In the last year I’ve learned a very hard lesson. It’s one that very counter-intuitive. But it’s SO essential to learn.
See, we’ve been taught that selfishness is wrong. Really wrong.
That fallacy has caused more pain and guilt than anything in the history of the world. (At least in my humble but very accurate opinion.)
The truth is that selfishness should be our first priority. (Wow that’s a crazy sentence. Read that again.)
If you don’t take care of yourself first, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be of any use to anyone else.
If you constantly put others needs before your own then you are giving the world a very diminished version of yourself. If you constantly push yourself down to appease others first then you make yourself small.
Over years of doing this that smaller version of yourself starts getting pissed off.
It wants to be known.
It wants to be seen.
It wants to be acknowledged.
It wants to be real.
We keep pushing ourselves inward. Making them small and more and more pissed. Eventually they FORCE themselves out.
This is a big chunk of what causes:
But we all do it.
Because we’ve been taught wrong.
You should ALWAYS think about yourself FIRST in EVERYTHING.
Then, and ONLY then, should you think about others.
You before your spouse. You before your kids. You before your friends. You before your business. You before your acquaintances or business relationships.
You before your mom.
That’s what led to finally pulling the trigger on unfriending my mom on Facebook.
She’s not healthy for me and never has been. I know it’s an awful thing to say about your own mother. But it’s true.
I refuse to feel guilty about this. I’m simply done communicating with her.
She’s tried to make me feel small and unworthy my entire life.
I now know it’s just her own self worth that she’s projecting on to me. But whatever the reason. I’m done.
It took 42 years of pain and sorrow to do it but here I am.
And I feel great about it. I’m FINALLY making decisions and taking action that are FOR ME and me only. Not anyone else. I’ve finally learned the power of being selfish.
It’s amazing and I highly recommend it.
In the last several weeks since making this sweeping change to be extremely selfish, my entire life has changed.
I’m making more money and loving every minute of it.
I’m no longer a slave.
Just do something to make a radical shift.
Be the most selfish version of yourself that you can.
You are worth it.